(12:14:04 PM) Teddy: there are plenty of steakhouses (12:14:18 PM) Skudd: in texas? pfft (12:14:20 PM) Skudd: i don't believe you

Last night I didn't sleep too well; I kept waking up from some really awkward dreams. One of these dreams was incredibly disturbing though, and I feel like sharing it with you.

In the dream, my Dad, a friend -- a young black man who happened to be a county police officer -- and I were driving down I-65 in Indiana, and we were in heavy traffic. At some point we noticed that the traffic was becoming quite erratic, in that some cars were pulling off to the side of the highway while others were speeding up to very dangerous speeds. In order to keep up with traffic, we accelerated and pulled out to the front of the group of cars where we noticed a roadblock.

Because we had no choice, we stopped the car and the police officers who were running the roadblock pulled us from the car and told us to get far far away from it. My Dad and I were really confused, but we saw that our friend was talking on his radio, calling for backup. He was obviously very disturbed, so this was a serious issue.

Shortly after that, I saw the other officers close up a steel box around our car, and sparks started to fly. As this progressed, I could hear screaming and cries of fear, but something wasn't right with them: They were my screams.

I looked around me to see what was really going on, and I saw a young lady (no idea who she was) absolutely terrified by the sounds of her own screams. But what was weird about her terror was that it was being shown by her jumping around; In her face and voice she was as calm as could be. This all escalated to the point that nothing but the screams could be heard, and everyone fled the area.

At that point it had my adrenaline up so high that I had to wake up and walk around the apartment to calm down. I'm a firm believer that dreams can be used by our own bodies to highlight areas we may have overlooked previously, or by God to show us areas we need focus on improving, or to show us answers to questions we may have asked about our day to day life. This dream doesn't fit any of those categories though, and it has me really confused. Usually I am able to trace a dream back to something I had seen or done before, but not this. About all that is consistent with anything I've done is the crazy traffic (yay Houston!).

At any rate, there's an awkward read for you. It might make a good sci-fi film if anyone wants to expand on it.

I am working on putting together my own dynamic DNS service, similar to dyndns.org. I will be needing some guinea pigs in the coming months to take part in this project, which will provide you with your very own myname.faildns.com hostname which you can update as you see fit.

Initially, you will be asked to work with this service manually via your web browser or other similar methods, but eventually I should be providing a client of some sort for Windows and Linux.

If you're interested, shoot me an e-mail at tim AT faildns DOT com.

If you've been watching my Facebook status at all over the last month or so, you've seen that I have taken an interest in learning Russian. I don't know why, but it's this strong burning desire.

I have been dabbling with various resources, including Rosetta Stone, and just haven't been able to feel good about learning the language. Nothing really seemed to provide any feedback on how I was doing, any explanation of the phrases I was reading or speaking, or any pronunciation keys. It was all very frustrating.

Last night as I was taking Emily home after having dinner with her parents, I mentioned that I was going to work on my Russian a bit today. She said she had to show me something before I left her place, and I'm glad she did.

She had me look at the Houston Public Library website with her, and they have a section on learning other languages. In their list of resources was a link to Livemocha, an e-learning site with a focus on languages. Here's an excerpt from their "about us" page:

Livemocha is an exciting e-learning Web 2.0 startup founded by a group of experienced and successful entrepreneurs based in the Seattle area. Livemocha addresses a $20 billion worldwide language learning market fueled by rapid globalization, immigration and travel. Livemocha is a first of its kind web based language learning solution integrating online instructional content with a global community of language learners. Livemocha is a venture funded company backed by Maveron, a leading Seattle based venture firm with tremendous consumer and e-learning expertise.

In the last 14 hours, I've been able to complete lessons 1 and 2 of Russian 101, and I'm feeling good about it now.

If you're looking to learn a new language, I highly recommend Livemocha. It's free for learning one language.

I've made it to day #6 now with the no caffeine and things are going pretty well.

I have only had minor headaches (until yesterday for other reasons) due to the caffeine withdrawal, and aside from that I'm sleeping like a baby at night. I have started taking vitamin B12 in the mornings with my blood pressure medicine, which seems to have helped with the missing "kick" I'd get from my morning cup of coffee or soda.

I have been craving some caffeine but only because of the prevalence in the beverage market; everything is caffeinated. Otherwise, it's been vitamin water, regular water, and the occasional caffeine-free soda ever since last Tuesday.

I made a quick mention about this on Facebook today, but let me give you the rundown.

Sometime this weekend (don't ask what day because they all blurred together) when Emily and I were at lunch, the topic of my shaking came up. She suggested that my shaking may be caused by the amount of caffeine I consume on a regular basis, so I took that as a challenge.

I personally don't think that the caffeine is at fault, but to prove this I suggested that I go without for some time. After I decided that a week should be sufficient, Emily threw down and said that she didn't think I could go a week without caffeine. With that, I called her bluff and raised it to 2 weeks.

My research since then has shown that the symptoms of caffeine withdrawal typically fade after 9 days, so 2 weeks should indeed be a valid goal for this.

However, I am feeling the effects already, even after going just 36 hours without a caffeinated beverage.

The rules to this game are simple: No caffeine shall be consumed at all for 14 days, regardless of the pains associated with the detoxification. If after the 14 days are over the tremors are still present, I will have eliminated that as a suspect and proven my ability to stick to such a decision.

This is a topic I wanted to rant about a couple of months ago, but got severely distracted and forgot all about. It has to do with bathroom etiquette.

Where I work, we have pretty nice restrooms. They offer a nice level of privacy for when you are doing your deed, and they have very nice wash-up areas. But it seems the quality of this setting doesn't differ from that of a run-down truck stop in the middle of nowhere. But what indicators make me think this? Let me hit them one by one.

First, I'd like to point to the janitorial staff. For a crew that's on site daily, all day, you'd think that keeping the paper goods stocked properly would be a small task that could be done at either end of the workday. Apparently that's too much to expect. You see, each "stall" of the mens room holds 2 full rolls of toilet paper. Yet every time I walk in there, I see that there are an additional 2 to 3 rolls stacked on the back of the toilet. Let's not forget that sink area either. The paper towel dispenser is pretty good sized and would probably hold a sufficient amount of towels by itself. However, there is invariably a couple more packs of fresh paper towel laid on the countertop next to the sink, where it does nothing but absorb the water that splashes out of the sinks when they are used. This is a very frustrating thing to witness and would not be tolerated by my standards.

Hanging on to the topic of paper goods, let's talk about what people do with the toilet paper and paper towels. No, I don't mean their intended uses; I'm talking about how they always seem to end up on the floor. It doesn't matter that there are 2 very accessible trash cans within close proximity of the sink and door. Heck, there is almost always a pile of spent paper towels on the floor directly next to the trash can. In the stalls, it seems there is always at least one length of (hopefully) unused toilet paper laying on the floor. Do people not understand the concept of reaching to the floor to pick up what they have so horribly misplaced? It's not that hard, folks.

Have you ever worked somewhere and had to share a workstation with other people? I mean, that keyboard, mouse, and telephone you use on a daily basis has to be used by someone else when you're not there, right? How would you feel if I told you that only 3 of the 5 visitors to the restroom at the office wash their hands between reliving themselves and exiting the bathroom? This is a very loose figure, because it's only observed for the couple of minutes I'm in the restroom each visit. We can easily amplify the intensity of this issue by noting that the offenders are typically those who interact directly with customers or groups of workers in the office. Simply gross.

Another seemingly trivial issue that plagues even the most sophisticated restroom facilities is the concept of flushing the toilet. I could understand and partially appreciate the reluctance if the facility were that of a nasty truck stop, but not when it's a clean and mostly well-kept corporate restroom as we have. Even if placing your hand on the lever to flush the fixture does wrench your stomach, consider using that thing attached to the end of your leg: your foot. The levers are generally low enough that you can easily raise your foot to gently press it downward and trigger the flow of water. Otherwise, your nasty mess that you just got rid of is left for everyone else who enters the restroom after you. Would you like for someone else to leave you such a present? I think not.

What do you feel should be done with those dirty hands once you have dealt with your bodily functions and handled items that others who have done the same have? That's right, wash your hands! There should be no further discussion here, just do it!

Oh, and let's hit one more point while we're at it: Turn the water off when you're done. You do remember those public service announcements we all saw growing up, telling us to turn the water off when we were done, right? Even when it is city water that you don't have to pay for, you should still use the same amount of respect you would expect at your house, should one of your co-workers use your restroom. If you turned it on, turn it off. Simple.

I mean, come on now: We are all old enough to be considered mature adults, right? Why not act the part?!

Just a quick entry to keep everyone in the know.

I picked up the lab report from my brain MRI today. Here's what it said:

Findings: There is no evidence of acute infarct, intracranial hemorrhage, mass-effect, midline shift, hydrocephalus or extra-axial collection. There is no diffusion restriction. There is no abnormal parenchymal or meningeal enhancement. The orbits are normal. The paranasal sinuses and mastoid air cells are well-aerated. Impression: Unremarkable brain MRI.

I'm still feeling the numbness in my legs, a bit of it in my hands and arms, the shaking in my arms and hands, and the back pain and tenderness, but the doctors have said it's not because of my back or anything in my head.

While this is good news, I'm still frustrated that nothing has come of it. I guess I need to talk with my doctor again and ask if it's nothing nervous-system-related, what the heck is it?

I just got back from a follow-up with my primary care doctor a bit ago. She said that since the neurosurgeon said my symptoms weren't being caused by the ruptured disc that we needed to look further, to the central nervous system. Thus, she has issued a prescription for an MRI of my brain, which I need to schedule sometime later this week.

This stuff is getting very scary very quickly.

Well, I finally got to see the specialist today. I knew I would be waiting for a bit, since I got there at 3:30 and my appointment wasn't until 4:15, but when 5:15 came and I still hadn't seen the doctor yet, I began to get skeptical.

When the doctor came in to the room, he asked me about the symptoms I have had and about the degree of the pain. When I gave him the dirt, he did all the same range of motion exercises the primary care doctor did a few weeks ago. After all that, he told me that after looking at the MRI images (he referred to them as X-rays), he did see a bulging/ruptured disc in the T11/12 area, but that none of the symptoms aside from the pain were related.

So now I'm wondering what's causing the numbness, digestive issues, and shaking, but I know from the educated professional that it's not related to my back. But you're probably thinking, "What's the treatment plan?" Basically, there is none. That's right, nothing can or will be done for the back pain. But why? Quite simple, actually: The ruptured disc is in a very tricky area of the spine that would lead to near-certain disability or further complication if surgery were performed. Not only that, but the rupture is not to blame for any of the other issues I'm having, so it would be pointless to do anything about it in that case.

The doctor said that the pain will be a chronic issue throughout the rest of my life, but to just rely on basic treatments for it (ice, heat, over-the-counter painkillers) and take it easy when it does flare up. He said that I will most certainly "throw out" my back from seemingly normal tasks, but that when I do I should just fall back to those basic treatments and kick back to light duty until I recover. Chiropractic care was not ruled out, but I'm going to opt for that only sparingly.

Also, I have been cleared to return to the gym, but only if I stay away from the free weights and anything that will put excessive pressure on my lower back. I am also to work on back extension exercises to strengthen the supporting muscles. Otherwise, it's time for me to get back to normal.

Yeah, I fail pretty hard.

I had planned to call the doctor's office this morning to see if they needed me to obtain an alternate form of the MRI results. When I did, I looked at the appointment card to see what time my appointment was on Thursday. Much to my surprise the appointment is actually tomorrow, Tuesday, at 4:15.

Maybe I should have looked at the card sooner, eh? Good thing I did look at it though, because I would have let it slip by without any thought.

As promised, here is a link to my MRI lab report.

Please forgive the brevity of this entry and any spelling mistakes. I am writing it from my iPod while I wait for software to install on my workstation at the office.

I didn't get to see the neurosurgeon yesterday because they were having trouble accessing my MRI results. I did however get a copy of the lab report from the imaging center and found that the doctor on duty there identified degenerative disc disease in two places of my lumbar spine. When I get home this evening I will type out the key points of the report and share them.

Otherwise I am waiting another week to see the doctor.

My back has been somewhat better over the last week, but I think it was mainly because of the drugs I was on for it. Now that the drugs are gone though, the pain is back just the same as it was before. :(

Luckily though, I got a call just before 5:00 today. It was the neurosurgeon's office asking if I could reschedule for Monday morning instead. Thus, I will be getting in much sooner than I had expected, which is a good thing. Hopefully they can offer some sort of solution that doesn't involve surgery.

A lot of people seem to be slightly confused by my Facebook status updates today, mentioning a sudden MRI and visit with a neurosurgeon. Well, let me back up a bit and give you all the full picture so that you can walk away with a clear understanding of everything; a complete picture.

Sometime about 10 years ago, I was working at a body shop just down the road from my parents' house. At that shop, it was a common occurance to do some heavy lifting. I kept in pretty decent shape when I worked there, and I felt good about myself.

One day, we had a truck that needed some work done to the bed. Prepping for this work, we had to remove the toolbox that sat across the front of the truck bed. I was working with the boss on this little venture, and we tried to find the best way to lift the box and take it out of the truck. I watched as he put his hands under the box and pushed upward. However, it felt much more natural for me to open the box and grasp it from the inside with an extended arm... Or so I thought...

As we were working with this box, one of the guys that did paint and body work was standing about 20 feet away, cleaning his paint gun. When the boss and I took the first step towards the back of the truck, something happened. I don't remember making a sound, but I do remember seeing the other guy turn around quickly and look at me like I had just dropped my liver. The boss looked at me as well and asked, "Are you okay?" Since we had this mildly heavy metal box in the air already, I responded with one of the dumbest things I could have: "No, but let's get this box out of here and get it over with."

After we set the box on the ground, I stretched a bit and seemed to feel somewhat okay. I went about the rest of the day, but as it went on it got much more difficult to function. By mid-afternoon I remember I was working on re-assembling the door of a car. I had to walk from the one building to another, and I remember doing so with a severe lean to one side as to lose some of the tension on my back.

About an hour before quitting time, I called home to ask my mom to make an appointment with the chiropractor for me. When she answered though, I realized that it wasn't Mom; it was Grandma. Apparently I had dialed the wrong number because I was in so much pain. She went ahead and made the appointment for me, and I went straight there after work.

The drive across town was painful. I remember approaching the railroad tracks thinking, "This is really going to hurt." I made it to the doctor's office though, and as I hobbled in the door he looked at me and said, "What did you do?" I ended up having to leave and come back in a couple of days because there was swelling around my spine, which prevented him from diagnosing it. He told me to go home and lay flat on my back with a folded towel placed in my lumbar region to releive the pressure. I was also ordered to stay home from work until further notice, so I did as I was instructed.

About 2 days later, I went back to the chiropractor's office for a follow-up, which turned into X-rays. After sitting there for what seemed like hours, I went in to the exam room to see what was going on. It was then that I saw what happened and what would plague me for the rest of my life: A compression fracture. No, none of the vertebrae were completely crushed, I just had one that had a corner broken off of it.

I spent the better part of that next month just laying on a folded towel. I would occasionally get up to use the restroom or to shower and change my clothes, but since moving caused pain anyhow, I did this as little as possible. I don't really remember much of that time, I think I probably slept through most of it. I do remember the one guy that was cleaning his gun when this happened did stop by to check on me at one point, but I don't recall much of that.

So I finally got back to living and eased back into the things I was doing before. Occasionally I would do something to remind me I now had limits, and I would pay the price. Like the one time I was helping my dad gather firewood. I decided to move a 150 pound chunk of wood by myself, then followed it up with splitting firewood by hand with an axe. The morning after that I couldn't get out of bed because I was in so much pain.

As time has passed, I've had incidents where I aggravated this injury again and paid the price. But that only lasted for a couple of days at most. Usually these incidents were accompanied by sleepless nights and some digestive issues, but it never lasted more than a couple of days before getting back to normal. That all changed last week.

I don't recall what started it, but sometime around Wednesday of last week I noticed my back wasn't feeling 100%. I had an appointment with the trainer at the gym on Thursday evening, and when I went in for that I told him that I needed to take it easy because my back was hurting. He agreed and told me that if I started hurting at all to let him know and we would end the session right there.

About 10 minutes into the session, I was doing a shoulder press with 15 pound free weights. I was still feeling marginally okay after the first set of 15 reps, so we continued. After the second set, I told the trainer that I needed to stop because I was hurting and started feeling light-headed. He had me take a walk across the gym and back to see if it got any better, but since it didn't he got me started on cardio. I was planning to do 20 minutes of cardio, but just barely made it through 10 minutes before I finally hobbled home.

The next few days were pretty painful. I haven't had a good night of sleep since early last week because the pain has been either keeping me awake or waking me up in the middle of the night. I went to dinner with Emily Friday evening, followed by bible study at the church. She knew my back was hurting but told me that the chairs were fairly comfortable at the church, so I went along. After about 20 minutes of sitting in the chairs, the pain started in. She made a comment on the way home from the church about my fidgeting and asked if it was because I was hurting. I told her it was, but also that my legs started to go numb as I was sitting there.

Saturday evening we ended up going to dinner again then came back to my place to hang out together for a few hours. I wasn't feeling too bad as long as I was sitting on the couch, but any time I would move or sit somewhere else like the dining room chair, the pain and numbness started in again.

Sunday morning at church, I didn't really hurt as bad, but the numbness was still there. I told Emily that if I was still hurting Monday I would call the doctor about it. Monday was a weird enough day at the office that I didn't get it done, but Tuesday morning I was still hurting and called the doctor first thing.

This morning I went in for a 9:00 appointment. After explaining it to the doctor, along with all the symptoms, she ordered an MRI and follow-up with a neurologist. The things that really concerned her were the numbness and stomach issues that accompanied the pain, but she also noticed I was shaking pretty bad. I waited patiently as she called in the order for the MRI, then received the appointment from the nurse just before I left. It was now about 9:45, and the appointment was for 11:15 today. I made a quick dash back to the office and explained everything to my boss. He told me to just keep him posted on everything and to get myself taken care of.

I got to the imaging facility just a little before 11:00, so I went on in and filled out all the paperwork. I was expecting it to be a lengthy process, but not more than an hour or so. I was wrong. It took about 3 hours to get everything done and to get me out of there. While I was in the machine, I noticed that it was getting quite a bit warmer. After it was over I found out from the technician why: He said that the MRI machine actually raises the body temperature by 1-2°C, leading to a slight fever. Another thing I noticed while I was in there was that I kept twitching and shaking anytime the machine was actually on. After doing a little research, I found out that this was a somewhat common issue called "Peripheral nerve stimulation (PNS)". Regardless, I was downright exhausted after it was all done, and had nothing left in me to finish the day at the office.

Now I have a copy of the images from the scan and I need to call the doctor's office first thing tomorrow to find out what I do about seeing the neurologist. I know I have blogged before about my back pain and how surgery is probably the only option, but I still stand by what I have said in response to that: No surgery. If the neurosurgeon pushes for it, I'll just tell him that I appreciate the concern but so long as my life isn't in danger I will just live with the pain. Out of the people I have talked to who have had back surgery, maybe 3% of them have actually had a positive experience from it. I don't like those odds, and I'm far too young to be doomed to "light duty" for the rest of my life.

So after those 37 paragraphs, I hope you know what all the status updates are about. I really appreciate the support and prayers that have been offered so far.