I have been struggling with whatever the heck this is a lot these last few weeks. Back in April, a good friend took me up in a Cessna 172 and allowed me to spend time in the left seat, departing from KLBX, flying down to the northern end of Matagorda Bay, then back to KSGR. I did the takeoff and downwind pattern departure, flying south/southeast, fighting turbulence and heat the whole way. Just as we approached the Gulf coast, the cramping started in. I had to tell my friend to take the controls again. A while later he handed them back to me, but it was short lived and I had to return control of the aircraft to him.

The remainder of the flight was quite unpleasant for me, and made me second guess my qualification and desires to become an actual pilot, not just a sim pilot.

This was a demoralizing blow, but I've been trying to come to terms with it. But since then, things have continued to be really rough.

I haven't been able to do much in the garage, as you all know me to do. I haven't been able to ride my bike at all this year. I haven't felt up to spending time with friends and family. All because I'm in so much pain that it limits my ability to function, I can't trust my own muscles to not cramp up or spasm in such a way that could lead to injury, or because I'm medicated such that all I can do is recline in my chair and watch something online.

Whatever this condition is, it's limiting my ability to set a good example for my son, and to spend time with him doing things that I remember my own Dad doing with me when I was young. It's also causing my car to develop flat spots on the tires, my 3d printer to collect dust, and my bass guitars to be nothing more than wall art. It's not a good way of life and I hate it.

I have an appointment scheduled with another neurologist, as the one I saw shortly after the last post about this was dismissive and ignorant to the new symptoms and only wanted to treat me for a thing he wasn't even certain I had. I'm praying that the next neurologist will listen to it all, not attach their diagnosis to one aspect of it, and help me find a means of getting back to being a functioning member of society.