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If I were to have to define the word "fun", I think I would be unable to. The old addage, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," seems to be holding true. When friends want me to go do something, I usually pass because I'm so unmotived to do anything, or because I'm so worn out from working that I have no physical energy to do even the simplest things, or it could be that I just keep stacking the work up, thus making no room for "free time" for myself.

Well, as a result of my lack of a social life, I've resorted to video games for fun. I am now to a point, about a year in the making, where I can no longer have fun with video games. What opened my eyes to this was something that happened this weekend...

I downloaded "Battlefield 2" from an illegitimate source last week, and last Friday I decided I wanted to play it. I was astounded by the quality of gameplay, just after 1 round, so I went out and bought the game. After I got home and got it installed, I decided I wanted to play the main part of the game, which is done online with other people.

Anyone who has played a "First Person Shooter" on the internet knows what happened to me. I logged in, selected my spawn point, spawned, and almost immediately died. "It's just a glitch," I said to myself: BAM! Dead! "...okay... Maybe I'll try a different spawn point... Yay! I can m...BAM! DEAD!"

I tried about 10 different servers and realized it was just my lack of skill. So what did I do? I played singleplayer mode...or at least tried to. I was able to win the rounds I played in singleplayer mode, and finish with the gold medal, but I knew I wasn't that good. I tried a different map, and found that the AI in this second installment of the Battlefield series is just as dumb as the first. My ENTIRE TEAM, consisting of about 15 bots, captured a post and camped there. Even taking over the commander's role, I was unable to get them to move. Heck, I even tried killing my own team members, and they would respawn and camp this one post.

Needless to say, I got very frustrated with the game. I realized that I wasted $50 on the stupid thing, and I don't even want it now. This happened once before with a game called "Guild Wars". I now have over $100 worth of games that I have put, overall, less than an hour into, and that I will never play again.

Most everyone that reads this is aware that I play another game called World of Warcraft. This game started out to be very enjoyable, and I have logged well over 100 hours of overall gameplay time. I'm on my second character that has exceeded the "Level 40" mark, and I've made a lot of friends. However, there's these two element to the game that have kept me from having fun with it any further. It's the highly skewed economy and the extremely unbalanced player-versus-player ability. The first point is pretty much self explanitory, but the second point is not.

In most PvP battles, opponents are matched in terms of skill, armor, and weapons, and battles are done in a controlled environment. Blizzard has handled this by grouping players in their "tens-group" (20-29, 30-39, etc.) in a zone known as a "Battleground". The flaw in their system lies in having a queue for battlegrounds -- The queue must reach a certain point before the battle begins.

Outside of the battlegrounds, Blizzard has created "contested" zones, where players of opposing faction may attack each other. This is known as "World PvP". The problem here is that there is no level-matching, so a highly skilled, well-equipped, heavily armored level 60 can attack a basic level 20, and kill them in one attempt. Further, there is no punishment for the 60 to repeatedly attack the 20, preventing them from even moving to a different area. The only lines of defense in this case are to resurrect at the "spirit healer", use your "hearthstone", or log out.

So let's add to this $100 stack a $50 game that I pay $10 per month to play. I've wasted a LOT of money here. And what for? It sure hasn't been fun.

I suppose I've spent a lot less money on these attempts at entertaining myself. But then again, I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I've made a couple of in-game friends, but that's where it stops. Had I spent the money on gas, food, etc., to go hang out with friends in the physical realm, I would have acquired more friends, and most probably had other doors open that otherwise would not.

I'm just completely lost here now. I need fun in my life, and I really doubt I'm going to find it in front of this pile of glass, metal, plastic, and silicone.