It was more than just a crush on her, and she admitted that the last I talked to her. We both liked each other and wanted to spend time with each other... Then, one day, she disappeared. She got a job, started school, made friends... Basically, she found her life.

One day, I got an email from her. She was excited but scared. She informed me that she was quitting school to go into the Army as an intel analyst and that I would not hear from her for 6 months or so.

At the end of the 6 months, I emailed her. She replied and told me that she couldn't talk to me anymore because she was now married and her husband got very jealous when she would talk to other guys. At that point in time, I didn't really realise how it would affect me.

Today, nearly 6 years later, I had a flashback. There was no reason for it. I hadn't been thinking about her. I hadn't gotten an email or a call from her. I just felt like she was right there, next to me...then she was gone. Tonight, it happened again. I looked over to my left, and I felt like she was right there. I decided to do a bit of Google searching, to see if I could find out where she was today and what she was doing. After about 6 tries, I found their web space, provided by their ISP. I just quickly skimmed through a few of the pictures, all of which were something other than her, until I got to one with her and her husband in it.

I know a lot of the people who read this have been "in love" with someone else, but I don't think that's what this was. We weren't just casual friends, but we weren't "in love" either. If we were, then why didn't I feel like this sooner? You would think that if I had lost a love I would become very depressed. Why, out of the blue, have I been getting these feelings like she's right next to me? I don't understand it at all, and at this point in time, I am very detached from reality.

No, I'm not stalking her. No, I'm not suicidal. No, I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just don't know what to do right now. I don't know if I should try to contact her. I don't know if I should just delete this entry (blog entries NEVER get deleted) and clear my history and move on.

I don't really want any suggestions on what to do. I really appreciate all of them that you all have given me in the past, but I don't want them on this item.

I'm not going to post her name, but name here, if you read this, try to understand it. I sure don't.