The Google ads from last month were very irrelevant and received only 2 clicks. I've changed the ad style now, so we'll have to see what happens. :)

Anyone who has talked to me for any length of time knows my stance on communication: Regardless of the type of relationship, communication is mandatory for success. Here lately though, I've found myself lacking in several areas, the first being how I handle frustration and anger.

When I first started this blog, it was to be a place where I could vent without fear of offending someone. For the first couple of months, I was able to do this. However, my reader base started to grow to a point where I had to watch what was said. I mean, I found myself in a bit of a bind with a lady-friend who I was starting to get a little close to. You see, things happened in our relationship that frustrated me, and I had nobody to really share it with. So what did I do? I blogged about it. I soon found out though that this friend read my blog, and even though I never mentioned her name, she knew exactly who I was talking about. When she did realize this, she sent me rather nasty e-mails and instant messages, chastising me for my actions. At this point, I began to censor myself. The result plagues me to this day: I have not spoken to this girl since the last "big incident", and it has led to the other communication problem I'll talk about later.

The second big occurrence was when I was leaving my previous job at the quick lube. This was a rather large step in my life, as I was moving out on my own for the first time. Along with this came a lot of complicated scheduling of my final days in Rensselaer. I found out that my soon-to-be former employers were looking to have a bit of a "going away" party for me after my final shift ended. While I was not at all offended at the gesture, I was frustrated because this forced me to shuffle my schedule. I couldn't voice my frustration to my co-workers, because they were already in denial over my leaving. I couldn't share it with my parents, because they were already emotional about their youngest leaving home. With nowhere else to turn, I turned to my blog. Shortly after posting the entry, I received an e-mail from my boss, clearing showing how much I had offended her. It was a mess to clean up, and I think to this day it still isn't right.

I don't know how to deal with anger and frustration anymore, so I will either bottle it up, or I will find releases where nobody is affected. Here lately, I find myself yelling at my monitor at work - at the invisible customer on the other end who cannot hear me - which accomplishes nothing.

My other problem is approaching a female who I may be interested in. I don't see this as being the typical "fear of rejection" that nearly all guys experience at some point. Rather, I have absolutely no idea how to go about it, and while the fear of rejection does exist, I'm more worried about the way my peers will respond to it. I mean, I value the opinions of my family and friends above anything else. The problem is the teasing that others do. I remember back to when I was in grade school and had a "girlfriend". Even today, my family teases me about those girlfriends, and while I know they mean well, it is kinda embarrassing. (Sorry guys, don't take it personally.) Now that I'm 26 years old, I don't know that I can handle that, and it really detracts from the overall concept of "dating" for me.

But beyond the initial approach, I don't know what to talk about. The few phone calls I have had with a female (other than family or business) in the last few years have be incredibly awkward and leave me feeling inadequate in the social aspect of life.

So this leaves me back where I started about 6 years ago: A social "retard", unable to start a conversation, regardless of the amount of advice I have been given. What am I to do? Do I tell my boss when I'm mad about something at work (I sort of have over the last few days, and I feel guilty for it)? Do I throw caution to the wind and just tell that one girl how interested I am in her?